The day started out great--I slept in until 7, ate breakfast, got my table in the library, and caught up on blogging and emailing which took a few hours. Then I started studying for my Ophir final. I felt pretty good about knowing everything on the study guide by the time I went into the final at 4 P.M. Then I got the final. That is when it all started going down hill. I realized that I didn't know anything!! Did I know that the separation barrier was mostly a fence and not a wall? No, when I went to the separation barrier it was definitely a wall. Did I know who Israel had peace treaties with? No! True, a lot of people felt terrible after the test. During the test some people thought "I should have done that extra credit." Not me, I thought "I can't go to grad school my grades are tanking this semester." Yeah, I didn't do well on the test.
So I went to dinner--I am a picky eater, a person who doesn't eat when they are stressed, and altogether food just didn't sound appetizing. I ate enough and promptly left.
Skip ahead a few hours--basketball game vs The Gold Diggers. I had been trash talking Elyse all day (in good fun of course.) Truth be told I was terrified to play them. Not only had their last game included one of their players teeth landing in another girls eye brow, but also they are all amazing at basketball! So the good fun starts! (I was also told by some girls to remember to be nice to the ref--and don't worry I was!) We all (both teams) huddled together to cheer "BASKETBALL!" and hopefully remind us that this is supposed to be fun! And then they start dominating us! They understand the cuts and screens and we couldn't keep up with them.
I couldn't make any shots. Seriously, I made 2 all game. I was so frustrated with myself because I know I can do better! I was so embarrassed that I was making a fool out of myself by continuing to shoot and miss.
On one of the first rebounds of the game I jammed my left ring finger. It hurt and I couldn't really bend it the rest of the game. Was I flustered that I was letting a stupid injury hurt and hold me back? You betcha!
One of the worst things I did was encourage our coach not to take Kaitlyn out--she is our team! We are nothing without her. Well she couldn't breathe and really needed to come out--the opportunity didn't present itself but still I told the coach not to take her out. Bad move? Yes, yes it was.
After the game--which we lost by 4, yes I hate losing--a few people tried talking to me. I don't even remember who came up to me but I blew them off because "I had just lost." Talk about bad reasoning--it was just a game and they were a great team!
Then it was time for our post game chat. When Kaitlyn came in she still couldn't breathe--which made her panic and think she was going to die, which made her cry. Yep, she was hyperventilating! And it was all my fault because I didn't let her come out. I was a failure--I had no idea how to help other than keep other people away from her because I could tell she was embarrassed and because people crowding in on you when you can't breathe just doesn't seem like a good idea. Luckily, Leslie saved the day with deep breaths through the nose. I felt useless and terrible!
Well tears were starting to come but I held them in. Tears wouldn't help anyone at this point.
Then Dr. Chapman came and talked to us for about 15 minutes. Apparently I am more stressed than I know. Knowing that just stressed me out more! Talk about ironic!
On my way to our "hydrating party" that the Doc deemed necessary I checked my email. I got great news--AMANDA IS GOING TO LONDON! My sweet little girl is going on a study abroad! I was thrilled and yet I started bawling...in the computer lab. No one noticed but Leslie--who didn't laugh at my crying!
So I tried calming myself and went to drink a liter of water right before bed time, which just doesn't sound like the best of plans but docs orders. I went to room 305 and talked with Kaitlyn, Leslie, Andi Jo, and Lauren. Once again my eyes teared up. I was happy...wasn't I?
Then we laughted some and I looked down at my feet. My right sock had blood in it! I started laughing--it was my left toe nail that broke last game...why was there blood on my right foot? So I looked into it. My right toe-nail broke even lower down and wasn't all that attached to my skin anymore. It hurt. Seriously what are the odds that both toe nails would break? This has never happened before! It must be the brown toe nail polish. So unlucky!
Later Leslie and I left to go back to our rooms. Somehow I started to tear up again. Wow!
So I went and called my baby sister! She answered and through my sobs I managed to say "I am so happy for you!" I really am, and even though I was crying I hope she believed me.
Then I went to bed! While laying in bed I got a nice text from Leslie to see if I was ok! Seriously, Leslie saved the day for everyone!
So why wasn't my best self put forward? Lets review.
- I played basketball poorly and I know I can do better
- I was a bad loser and blew people off who were just trying to be nice to me.
- I failed to let Kaitlyn come out of our game.
- I was totally useless when a friend was basically dying.
- I burst into tears four or five times. I dont' like crying in front of people. It just makes me feel embarrassed.
But to end on a happy note, it really brought me closer to some of the girls here. I feel like I have bonded with them in a way that we couldn't have unless we had gone through this together. Truly, I love some of the people here. What a great thing to come out of the day with.
No comments:
Post a Comment